A little humor is called for during these trying times...even if it's cynical.
Rummy, ya nut!
Actual quotes by our own incomparable Secretary of Defense. My literary license displayed in red. Source: Wikipedia!
Throughout the war on terror as of 2006, Rumsfeld has often been accused of giving
rhetorical answers to serious questions.
"We take the world like you find it; and Israel is a small state with a small population. It's a democracy and it exists in a neighborhood that in many -- over a period of time has opined from time to time that they'd prefer it not be there and they'd like it to be put in the sea. And Israel has opined that it would prefer not to get put in the sea, and as a result, over a period of decades, it has arranged itself so it hasn't been put in the sea."
…and now they possess the capability to put a bunch of other people in the sea at their discretion. What's so bad about that?
"Our task, your task... is to try to connect the dots before something happens. People say, 'Well, where's the smoking gun?' Well, we don't want to see a smoking gun from a weapon of mass destruction."
Unless we're talking about Cheney...then we just laugh."Learn to say 'I don't know.' If used when appropriate, it will be often."
Like when they asked me what happened to the missing defense budget trillions."If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. …
to be ashamed of.""Beware when any idea is promoted primarily because it is "bold, exciting, innovative, and new." There are many ideas that are "bold, exciting, innovative and new," but also foolish."
Like executing a new Pearl Harbor, perpetuating a largely terrorist myth and attempting global control, but to us boys at PNAC; gold, baby!Cluster bombs are being used on frontline al Qaeda and Taliban troops to try to kill them is why we're using them, to be perfectly blunt."
BTW, where is the frontline in these wars, just out of curiosity? "I'm hopeful that some will surrender. I suspect some won't, and I suspect the result from that will be that the opposition forces will kill them."
Even if they happen to be just a family, mom, dad, 4 or 5 kids piled in the backseat, racing home to beat curfew and dad guns it through a checkpoint, ignores orders to stop and gets his head blown off because something snaps inside of his mind before they mercifully relieve him of his brain while simultaneously distorting forever the characters of good men in the soldier(s) who pulled the trigger. You can't beat that with a stick."I think we ought to have a new rule: You can ask two questions, and then we can pick the one we want to answer."
Better yet, you don’t ask the questions and we just give you all the answers. "Charlie, the answer to the question "Is he alive or dead" – the answer is yes, he is alive or dead (laughter)." (referring to bin Laden)
“Is he good or bad?” Yes, he is good or bad. “Is he real or fictional?” You saw the videotapes! You heard the audios, those don’t lie!"I mean, let's face it. They weren't exactly baking cookies in those caves." (in a response to why U.S. bombers killed people hiding in caves)
We actually think they were involved in clandestine activities related to a hostile crème brulee takeover aimed at the coffee house empire."You go to war with the army you have. They’re not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."
But they’ll do in a pinch, just like the rigged equipment we’re forcing them all to use. A trillion dollars just doesn’t go as far as it used to, yanno?"Well, Dick, calibrate me, but the first thing I'd say is I don't believe you have the war plan -- (laughter) -- a fact which does not make me unhappy (laughter)."
It is I, oh portly comic relief, who commands the evil empire, lest ye forget. "Sometimes the truth is so precious, it must be accompanied by a bodyguard of lies." from
Winston Churchill Everything is done on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know."I think what you'll find, I think what you'll find is, whatever it is we do substantively, there will be near-perfect clarity as to what it is. And it will be known, and it will be known to the Congress, and it will be known to you, probably before we decide it, but it will be known." (February 28, 2003)
All of you just won’t realize you know what you know until you know it’s too late; you know, thank father Satan."Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know." (February 12, 2002)
HUH?"Things will not be necessarily continuous. The fact that they are something other than perfectly continuous ought not to be characterized as a pause. There will be some things that people will see. There will be some things that people won't see. And life goes on." (October 12, 2001)
At least that’s what we’re banking on, and so far it’s all going perfectly according to plan."Go massive. Sweep it all up. Things related and not." (September 11, 2001)
Pin this one on Iraq and make it stick. Use more blood if you have to."Oh my goodness gracious, what you can buy off the Internet in terms of overhead photography! A trained ape can know an awful lot of what is going on in this world, just by punching on his mouse for a relatively modest cost!" (June 9, 2001)
Dayum…he sounds like one of the ineffectual debaters one comes up against in forums with tomatoes in their name."Once in a while, I'm standing here, doing something. And I think, 'What in the world am I doing here?' It's a big surprise." (May 16, 2001)
Who would have thought that I would have the power to decide who lives and dies? It’s exhilarating, especially if you torture them before finishing them off. That really gets my adrenaline pumping! It's better than sex!"If you waited until you could do everything before you did anything, you probably would end up doing nothing." …and that’s why sometimes we come off as looking a little incompetent, but really…we are only human after all.
(if you squint in just the right light, you can make out what appear to be repressed horns...strange bumps on his forehead)Before long, I suspect that those responsible for these acts will encounter British steel. Their kind of steel has an uncommon strength. It does not bend or break." (a response to the
7 July 2005 London bombings)
Unlike the WTC towers’ steel and concrete construction which can get pulverized and melted into portable pieces for quick and easy elimination of evidence…err dangerous debris due to raging inferno type fires."Stuff happens."
(April 2003, commenting on the looting, rioting and general mayhem that followed the fall of Baghdad)
…and Jesus doesn’t live here."...or the people who attacked the United States in New York, shot down the plane over Pennsylvania and attacked the Pentagon" (a possible slip up referring to the
September 11, 2001 attacks[28])
Shot down, you know…the passengers shot down the terrorists’ plans to fly that plane into the Capitol Building…those people are the true heroes of the day. Never forget what happened to Flight 93 on 9/11. (Hey, what did happen)(speaking about disorder in Iraq, April 2003) "It's untidy, and freedom's untidy. Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things. They're also free to live their lives and do wonderful things." Guardian Unlimited, April 12, 2003
…and they’re free to accept our total control over their own destinies and natural resources and certainly free to lend us their undying gratitude for it.(speaking about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction) "There's another way to phrase that and that is that the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. It is basically saying the same thing in a different way. Simply because you do not have evidence that something does exist does not mean that you have evidence that it doesn't exist."
I guess that depends on the meaning of exist and absence and it. During a
December 8,
2004, town-hall meeting with U.S. troops at
Camp Buehring,
Kuwait, Rumsfeld responded to a soldier's comments about inferior military equipment by saying "you go to war with the army you have", a comment some characterized as needlessly cold. Rumsfeld's full answer:
I talked to the General coming out here about the pace at which the vehicles are being armored. They have been brought from all over the world, wherever they're not needed, to a place here where they are needed. I'm told that they are being – the Army is – I think it's something like 400 a month are being done. And it's essentially a matter of physics.
(you do know we control the laws of physics too, right?) It isn't a matter of money.
(I got trillions to play with) It isn't a matter on the part of the Army of desire. It's a matter of production and capability of doing it.
As you know, you go to war with the Army you have. They’re not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time.
(So basically, you weren’t all that cool, but the plans were in motion and we can deal with collateral damage, no problem) Since the Iraq conflict began, the Army has been pressing ahead to produce the armor necessary at a rate that they believe – it's a greatly expanded rate from what existed previously, but a rate that they believe is the rate that is all that can be accomplished at this moment.
(Because dammit…it is just so difficult to come off the bucks. I know…I know…but you’ve never had control of THIS MUCH MONEY, so don’t judge.)I can assure you that General
Pete Schoomaker and the leadership in the Army and certainly General Whitcomb are sensitive to the fact that not every vehicle has the degree of armor that would be desirable for it to have, but that they're working at it at a good clip. It's interesting, I've talked a great deal about this with a team of people who've been working on it hard at the Pentagon. And if you think about it, you can have all the armor in the world on a tank and a tank can be blown up.
(So quit your damned whining and stop acting so all-important, you ain’t sh*t.) And you can have an up-armored humvee and it can be blown up.
(I know this for a fact, me and Dickie boy used to blow them up for fun. Once, we put a monkey in the driver’s seat beforehand. You should have seen little Georgie laugh that day) And you can go down and, the vehicle, the goal we have is to have as many of those vehicles as is humanly possible with the appropriate level of armor available for the troops. And that is what the Army has been working on.
We know we got money to burn, and anyway, you wouldn't understand unless you had control of this much money!And General Whitcomb, is there anything you'd want to add to that?
(I think he said something like this, “No, your eminence, I am not worthy.")
